The Spirit Awakens

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Experienced by

Robert W. Bigelow


When you understand all I have shown you, you will be who you truly are. This is your task, and when completed, each of the others, in their time will come to you. This is your preparation for what is to come.”

- When asked who he was, I experienced "Knowledge"


Copyright © 1995 - 2016 by Robert Bigelow
All rights reserved.

Author’s Disclaimer:

This is not fiction. This is an exact account of some of the spiritual experiences encountered through my life. Written without embellishment or fictionalization, I want to convey my experiences, thoughts and emotions as they were. Not being a writer by trade, I tend to write as I would talk and not all my experiences are written here.

With much love,

Robert Bigelow


Dedications From The Heart


Dedicated to Christopher and Ashtyn, my children who's presence has helped teach me of practical love and who have enjoyed listening to these words as they were being written. I love you with all my heart.

Dedicated to Martha, my dearest friend who was with me at the time of this experience. You are well loved.

Dedicated to Alese, whom I will always love from the bottom of my heart.

Dedicated to you, seekers of spiritual treasure. May love continue to open the doors for your growth.



Chapter One


An overview of my life's supernatural experiences”



1965: My first profound spiritual experience was at 11 years of age while walking through the New River Tunnel in Fort Lauderdale, Florida on my way back from ditching school to get candy at the 7/11. Upon entering the tunnel, I was completely engulfed in a brilliant white light while being filled with an overwhelming love. It was an experience that surpassed all my physical senses. The awareness of my surroundings immediately disappeared as every fiber of my now spiritual being was pulsing with this tremendous presence of love. Beyond my capability to recall what truly transpired, I was left with the impression that I was taken up (but not as in the sky) into an eternal dimension and was filled an all surpassing love from a being who is the source of everything. After it was finished, I vaguely remember sitting back in my classroom at St. Anthony’s Elementary School still feeling the presence of love.


A great peace and love lingered inside me over the next year and I silently spent many hours alone talking with this being as if speaking to a friend. After school I would go sit inside the Saint Sebastian Catholic church building down the street from my house on in Ft. Lauderdale. This is when I began calling him God, but in truth there was no name, just the eternal presence. As I would sit in the 2nd pew on the right side and look straight ahead, his presence would appear just a few degrees to the right of my line of site. It was similar to looking at something through the desert heat, but was more like layers of energy fields. I did not tell anyone about the experience until well into adulthood but I thought that this is how God called priests to devote themselves, so I began to want to become a priest.

I spent the next year as an alter boy, filled with love for God as I memorized the entire Latin mass and was a servant to the priests, thinking they had the same experience with God as I had. One priest, who drank a lot of wine, would have me serve him when the mass was finished behind the alter where he sat in one of those velvet red and gold throne like chairs. As I was bending over picking something up, I heard him say “More wine Bobby” in a half-slurred voice. My head turned to the left to look at him and I remember noticing his drunkenness and huge bulbous nose as a dark shadowy force entered me from the left. I felt a bitterness and my perspective changed and thought “This is not real”. I stood up straight from being bent over and the presence of God was no longer with me, he had faded into the background somewhere. That was the day the energy inside me turned from purity of thought and love to the most mischievous boy in the neighborhood. Even though I continued in Catholic school, I quit being an alter boy soon after and no longer believed men who claimed to know God or in the Catholic religion. I still completely believed in God and for a period of time, would cry that I no longer walked with him, but his energy was not present like before and so I started becoming like the other kids around me, only worse it seemed. I had the ability for awhile to appear clean cut to the grown-ups but I was sinking fast into depravity and deceit. Drinking, stealing, lying, sexuality and then I found my way to the drug movement going through my LSD phase as a sophomore all the way to becoming a heroin addict buying from a Mexican cartel in Nuevo Laredo by the time I graduated high school.


1969: The second experience was around the age of 15 when my youngest brother Tommy was run over by a mail truck while riding his bike in front of our house in Ft. Lauderdale, FL. The handlebar punctured his stomach as he was dragged along the pavement. I don’t think he was expected to make it through the night. After returning from the hospital, everyone had gone to sleep, so I snuck into Tommy’s room and crawled into his bed. I still remember it well. As tears poured out of my eyes I asked God to take my life instead of his. A wind filled the room (not sure if physical or not) and in my head a deep voice said “He will be all right”. I was filled a with peace and happiness that surpasses understanding and it seemed that God's presence had returned to my life. Arriving at Broward General hospital the next day, we found out he had been moved out of critical care during the night and seeing him alive was so awesome. It was so peaceful for me, even though I knew that God would now take my life in exchange for my brother's, so I quietly waited to die without telling anyone. The hours passed and turned into days as I wondered how it would happen, just hoping that it wouldn’t hurt.


1978: My first experience of “seeking with all the heart” was at the age of 23. As an adventure junkie, I had been through so many exciting escapades over the past 6 years but was spiritually empty and very distant from that once enjoyed love. I was hitch-hiking from South Florida back to the Rockies and found myself sitting by a lake in Melbourne, Florida asking with tears and great longing to find God, if He really did exist, for my experience with Him had become a faded memory. After two days of tears, I got up and began hitchhiking to the Rockies, resolved to live like a mountain man again and not come down until I had found God. The only thing I wanted is to know God again. I never made it to the mountains because on my way I passed through Gainesville, FL where a guy named Bob Slocum picked me up in his late 60's Mustang. He said he never picks up hitchhikers but all of a sudden found himself pulling over and invited me to a Bible study. Our conversation revealed that we both loved playing chess so we setup a chess game right before his Bible study. He then drove me to a high school friends house were I was going to stay for a few days before I moved on toward Colorado. The next day Bob picked me up, we played a game of chess then went to his Bible study. During the study I became indignant towards them, it seemed to me that the topic of whether or not Jesus rose from the dead was something they all should have ironed out by now. Of course, I didn't realize until later that it was for the benefit of visitors who were unsure... Woops

At the time I was smoking cigarettes and also pot and we had discussions about both of our involvements in heavy drugs. He looked very happy in his life, especially compared to me. Everything I owned fit inside my backpack and I wore mountain looking clothing with a brown felt hat I had acquired while living for a year outside of Sante Fe, NM like a mountain man six months prior. My hair was shoulder length but I kept myself clean looking because it helped getting rides.

About a week passed by as we played some more chess and had a great time together, we laughed a lot. Then I called him and said I was going to Colorado to find God in the morning and wanted to thank him for his friendship. He said he wanted to show me something in the Bible before I left and he'll be right over then hung up. We went back to his apartment where he lived with 3 other Christian guys whom I had also met, they were all very friendly. So, he took me into his bedroom and closed the door, turned on a dim light and we sat at the foot of his bed. For a moment, this part became weird for me as I began to wonder if he was possibly homosexual and was about to make a move on me. So having a few years of martial arts I prepared myself to assert the palm of my hand into his nose if he did. He leaned forward looking me straight in the eyes as I tensed my body and he said, “Why did Jesus die?”.

I broke. Tears formed in my eyes and said “I don't know”. At that moment the vague recognition of another dimension, filled with a familiar love, surrounded me and I felt as if my mind was being opened to understand and accept the scriptures that I was being shown me. We spent the next hour or two reading about Jesus' life and I felt as if my mind was being guided to see the loving spiritual force behind the story, as if it was not from man's point of view but God's. The tears kept flowing because I was experiencing such a power and love. Then he had me read the versus from Acts 2:36-38:


36 “Therefore let all Israel be assured of this: God has made this Jesus, whom you crucified, both Lord and Messiah.”

37 When the people heard this, they were cut to the heart and said to Peter and the other apostles, “Brothers, what shall we do?”

38 Peter replied, “Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. And you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit. 39 The promise is for you and your children and for all who are far off—for all whom the Lord our God will call.”


From within this dimension of love everything turned golden, as if glowing and all the pieces came together to form one singularity of thought, “this is the key”. I either saw or imagined an old fashioned golden key placed in front of me that would open the door to God. I jumped up with an exhilarating vitality and said “I want to be baptized”. I took the cigarettes from my shirt pocket, crushed them and threw them in the trash basket. Then the dimension closed and I was left with that singularity of thought of being baptized and knew that when I was that God would show up again. I asked Bob how we do this and he suggested we go get my stuff and I can sleep on his couch while I study more scriptures, to understand more. Knowing my desire to go to the Rockies, he said “God doesn't want trees that get up and walk around the valley”. This made sense to me, so we got my stuff and I spent the next two weeks sleeping on their couch and kept asking to be baptized as we studied more and more. I began to read the Bible all the time and was amazed at what I was seeing. It had nothing to do with religion for me, there was such a undertone of spirituality in the words that I soaked it up like a sponge and sought God all day and at night would go out into the large field next to the Gatorwood apartments to be alone with God.

Finally, he said he thought I was ready for baptism but we need meet with one of the leaders first and if he approved, I could get baptized. Seemed strange to me but I didn't care, so on March 12, 1978, I met with a guy right before the Wednesday night church service who asked me some questions and I guess he approved. So, right after service, I was led around to the back area, got dressed in a gown and was shaking from adrenaline, awaiting my turn. Chuck Lucas, the evangelist of the Crossroads Church of Christ turned and signaled me forward as another person came out of the water.

In the late 60's, emerging from within the Churches of Christ in America, Chuck had started the “Crossroads Movement” and the banner that was being waved was “Total Commitment”. Chuck stated that this movement of totally committed followers of Jesus was the only true church. All I knew at the time were the spiritual experiences happening to me personally before I even got to the church organization itself. Somehow I was able to look past so many things within the first year.

After I answered their standard two questions so as to make my beliefs publicly known, he put one hand behind my neck and the other over my nose and began to lay me backwards into the water. As I went down, my eyes were open and from my left I could see multiple dark shadows leaving me and I exhaled completely in one big sigh of relief as my body went completely limp. (Later I found out that everyone could hear my exhale and Chuck couldn't lift me back up for a moment.) When my air was gone from my lungs there was a moment of complete stillness, and then I felt the insurgence of the energy of light and love enter me from a few degrees to the right of my line of sight, it was the same energy from when I was eleven. I was lifted up from the water and looked out into the audience of about 1,000 people and could see everyone glowing, as if surrounded by their own circle of light. As my hand covered my mouth, I cried and thought, “this is what Christians meant, I had no idea”. As I looked out I was so happy and at peace, there was no more guilt or sadness, there was nothing but love. I truly felt like a new creation, a new being and was so delighted to be with others who experienced the same. They nicknamed me the “Gainesville eunuch” because I was hitch-hiking searching for God and from time to time would joke about hearing the gurgling from my huge exhale while being baptized.

This bubble of love and purity lasted around nine months. When I looked at others, all I could see was the beauty of their being like I was no longer looking from a worldly point of view. Humanity with it's shortcomings and sins was put in it's place because there was no judgment or condemnation towards others within me, only love. Because I thought that everyone in the church had experienced what I just did, it took me almost a year to realize that nobody I spoke with had the same experience when they were baptized, in fact, others would look at me strangely if I told them what I experienced, hence, I didn't tell very many people and just kept it to myself. I slowly began wondering if there was something wrong with me and did not understand why the leaders had no interest in me but instead appeared to simply tolerate me. Bob Slocum eventually told me that on the night of my baptism, Chuck Lucas had came up to him and asked “Is he yours?”. Bob replied yes and then Chuck said “Watch him” with a very stern voice. We were all joking about this because I was fully aware of my background and viewed myself similar to the bible character of Legion, for he had many demons (I related this to my drug years), but when the town came out to see him he was fully dressed and in his right mind.

I started noticing oddities within the leadership and how the church was organized and functioned. It was all very confusing for me at that time but I began noticing practices and ideologies that seemed to be spiritually out of alignment with what I was reading from the Bible, so I studied these things out over the next year and as I continued to observe, the disparity grew larger until I decided I needed to talk to someone. I started with my prayer partner who totally disagreed with me and basically told me that I should repent of having any bad attitudes toward the leaders. So I decided that I should go speak directly to one of the Elders, he would certainly hear me out and help me for an Elder is a loving shepherd there to serve and help others. I setup a meeting with Rogers Bartley and thought I had started very humbly simply wanting to work out the thoughts I was having because I could see it was causing me grief. He asked me to share what was on my mind so I began asking things like why is there a top-down hierarchical structure and so much focus on someone moving up through the ranks to become a “leader” with the evangelist being the top person over all others. Why do our evangelistic methods mimic multi-level marketing and employ strategies that have their root in human effort rather than the spirit. Rogers listened without response until I was finished and it felt so good just to have someone really listen to me.

Then he began to speak, the first thing was I had to repent of my bad attitude towards leadership and that I was filled with sin, meaning my attitudes. There was more that was said, but that's all I really remember because I was devastated. At the time, I was co-leading a high school bible study and had one of the women leader's son as someone I was a prayer partner to. I loved Lanelle Walters and her son Mark but the next time I showed up at their house I was told that I was no longer going to be getting with her son and that I am no longer going to be co-leading the teen bible study at their house. Again, I was so crushed. I remember looking at Lanelle who seemed sad and scared and unsure of what was going on, but there was no conversation about it, it was like she was following orders. Later that week or the next, I was asked into Sam Laing's (Campus Minister) office regarding my presence in the Crossroads School of Ministry. If the meeting lasted more than 3 minutes, I would be surprised. I sat down in the chair in front of his desk and he simply said “You'll never be an evangelist”. No reason why or what I could to to change it, that was it and so I dropped out of the School. The next week, I was assigned a new prayer partner who I tried my best to be open to, but he was primarily concerned with my behavior regarding falling in line with the program, so to speak. I was living in a house with 3 other Christian men and was considered the house leader. This too was taken from me and shortly after it was like I was marked or something because my own brothers whom I've laughed and cried with were now distant. This overwhelmed me and I found myself getting a beer and stayed away for the next four days drinking. I've always wondered how I would have been had I simply left the group without drinking because once I drank, I was filled with remorse and it no longer mattered. So on a Wednesday night, while my house was at church, I packed up all my stuff and left. I stayed with a guy I had met and was waiting to move back to my home town of Ft. Lauderdale, FL. A few days later, I ran into one of the brothers from the church, Scott Green, who had seen me and was coming straight for me. Man, facing him was unnerving, I thought I was going to get the heavy hand but he said sincerely, “Wherever you go, I love you”. Then he hugged me and left. I cried, it had been awhile since someone from the church showed me such love. It impacted me so much that I went straight to my prayer partner's house who was already in bed and told him I wanted to come back. I spent the next 45 minutes quietly listening to how sinful I was and all the things I needed to do that when it was over, I hugged him and got in my car and drove to Ft. Lauderdale. That was late spring of 1980.


1980: I moved into the Casa Granada hotel, one block from the beach in Ft. Lauderdale, FL and my drinking continued during this time. I was so confused about everything that had happened and felt that I proved everyone right because I left the church and was drinking. Through the 70's, I had been quite an adventurer, and so one adventure I always wanted was to go around the world on a boat. I started looking and quickly found a 109' Feadship named the “Avanti” that was leaving in 2.5 months to the Caribbean the first year and the Mediterranean the next. Every day I went back to the boat for a month until someone got fired and I was hired on as a steward the next day. Was so excited, we soon left dry dock and went to the Boca Resort for a few weeks to preparing to leave. One night the captain came back to the boat drunk and married. The next day he fired the entire male crew and brought on his wife's all female crew. During this time I had been dating a woman from Montreal who came down to stay at her father's hotel, Casa Granada. There we met and found an immediate attraction that led us to walk and talk on the beach for hours. She know I was leaving to go around the world but when I got fired from the boat I spent a few days depressed tryin to decide what to do and thought I'm going back to the Rockies and will seek God again. I invited Mary to a waterside restaurant on the Intracoastal waterway called Dirty Nelly's and told her that I was moving back to Colorado because I got fired from the boat. She was very distraught and because bitter towards me, but all I could think was that since I left the church I'm creating pain for others in my life. I had a strong attraction towards her so that night around 4am I asked her to marry me. I was thinking that I could love her and if I sought God again he would bless our marriage, it all seemed very good to me so we got married. There was a man I knew from a distance in Gainesville named Tom Brown who always seemed loving and inspiring and had recently become the minister for the Boulder Church of Christ, so based on one sermon he preached about God removing our heart of stone and giving us a heart of flesh, we moved to Boulder, CO.


1982: I met with Tom and focused our talk on myself and my relationship with God rather than bringing up the events from Gainesville. He was refreshing and I felt everything was cleared up, I was very happy. So every morning before sunrise I went up the side of the mountain overlooking Boulder, CO in the freezing weather and began asking to be filled again with that love. I sat next to a dead tree that had become a bit of a symbol in Boulder and would look out with tears in my eyes for seeing God again. Two weeks later as I went out to a park at night, the love showed up and filled me in even a greater way this time. My being was filled in every way with a powerful love and peace that completely overwhelmed me, I felt like a different type of being, blending both physical and non-physical. Upon returning home my wife said my face was glowing and I replied “You mean I look happy?”. “No, its actually glowing” she said. All I could say was something like God showed up because there were no words to convey what I was experiencing. The effects of the experience lasted for the next few months then began to wane.


1985: I would walk around the Westminster Mall for hours every morning before work asking repeatedly to be filled again like before. Two weeks later as I was walking, a huge rush of love and energy entered me like a swoosh and I leaped and took off running around like a kid, laughing and filled with awe. I ran all the way around the mall, bursting with energy and leaping like a gazelle. People driving by looking at me made me laugh all the more as I realized they would not be able to comprehend what was taking place inside of me. As the months moved on, every day I spent time alone with God, walking for hours in big open fields as his presence filled me. There was a continual flow of so much love and peace that there was nothing on earth that I desired. For the next few months, everywhere I went his presence was in me, but I also remember, as if it happened yesterday, the exact moment it began to fade.

I met a married couple who were unhappy with their lives but seeking a change. As I spent time with Pete, I told him about my experience of how God showed up in such a powerful way after asking to see him every day. Without my knowledge, he began doing the same on his own and within a few weeks both him and his wife's life had radically changed. So, the night of a social gathering at our church, a man who was one of the deacons, approached me. He walked right up to me said something about Pete and Julie and then said how spiritual he thought I was. He meant it in terms of my performance as a Christian, not in the truest sense of the word. As I turned to look over my left shoulder at the couple, who now radiated peace and happiness, the words “I guess I am spiritual” ran though my head. More than just words, it was an egoic concept that had not been part of my thought process for months. Immediately, before I even had time to look back at him, a very subtle negative energy entered me from the left and that pure flow of the energy of God began to wane, leaving me very distraught.


1994, October 13: The visitation by twelve spiritual beings. (This story beings in Chapter 2 entitled “The Visitation of 1994”.


2005: I began the search again while living in Delray Beach, FL, spending hours every day asking to be filled with him. Nothing else mattered to me even though I continued with my work and responsibilities. I would lay in bed at night for hours with tears for seeing God again. After two weeks, a minister friend of mine invited me to join him with four other ministers as they discussed various aspects of their groups. After 30 minutes or so I had not spoken a single word and must have regressed deep into my own thoughts. I remember being snapped out of it when I heard the words “filled with the spirit” spoken by the man on my right. I did not know the context, but immediately my body grew rigid and my hands clasped the arms of my chair as I said “I have something to say”. No longer in control of my body, my mouth spoke, “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. Do not seek great things for yourself. If you seek to be filled with the spirit, are you not still seeking for yourself? Seek my face”. Then I began to shake from the surging adrenaline as a tunnel to another dimension opened to engulf me, filling me with the love of God that was so powerful that I said “I am undone”. My life reeled before me in an instant, not like reviewing details but rather the very nature of my human consciousness. When I saw my own humanity compared to this eternal loving being, I unraveled like a bowl of spaghetti and for the next ten minutes I gasped long-winded cries.

His presence was everywhere, permeating everything but he held before me a pronounced form just a few degrees to the right of my direct line of sight. It was like looking at a tremendous power through layers of force fields or a hot desert so that I could not see his true essence, just like the form when I was eleven sitting in the church. Not allowed to look directly at him, my eyes were fixed straight ahead, I was not in control.

This new dimension was superimposed on top of the physical dimension so that I could still see the men as they got out of their seats and came over to me. This other dimension was experienced not through my five senses, but from a different place inside me, from my spirit or soul if you will.

As my crying was slowly subsiding, a large metal javelin was thrust into the earth with tremendous force and anchored firmly before me. Both my hands were pulled forward and made to grasp this long upright javelin with ridges that ran from top to bottom. It was about a foot in diameter, so my hands did not wrap around it. My eyes were fixed straight ahead, looking directly at the javelin when from God's presence just to the right, the words were spoken “Do not look to the left or the right, look straight ahead, seek my face”.

With one swoosh through my being, all the guilt and bad feelings about my humanity were immediately taken away and I felt completely free from the density of the human consciousness. Relief overtook me as my physical body completely relaxed, no longer tense or shaking or gripping the chair. My tears turned to absolute joy and I began calmly laughing. In that moment, I was an eternal spirit completely without fear, existing in a time and space beyond the physical. In silence, the words were spoken from the form of God, “Who will go for me?” followed by a vision that was like a memory of Isaiah's experience with God written in Isaiah 6:1-8. With all abandon I declared, “Here am I, Send me”. But unlike Isaiah, I was not specifically told what to do, just left with not knowing what was next.


Note: There have been at least a dozen variations over the past 10 years on how I've attempted to “Go for him” or develop a spiritual retreat or teach others how to seek his face or create businesses in order to give me financial abilities to focus on spiritual stuff. But each time has ended abruptly with the overwhelming message that I am to “only seek his face” and that there is no doing anything unless God discernibly goes before me to cause things to happen (like with Moses in Exodus 33:15-18). Sometimes I cry at how hard it has been for me to let go of this completely because I cannot discern how much of my own effort should be exerted and because even though I was told by Knowles in 1994 that I'm being prepared for “what is to come”, I have no idea what's suppose to be coming or when, or if ever.


The men had gathered around me, I could faintly hear them speaking to each other. Then the dimension closed and I was encapsulated within a translucent bubble of energy (which I now recognize as my own spirit) that extended just beyond the reach of my fingertips. Within this protective bubble, only thoughts and feelings of love, purity and peace existed. It was a space I've known before, like walking the earth in human form but having a spiritual consciousness rather than a human one, protected from my own negative thoughts over the next 4-6 months, until 5am one morning.

Startled and awoken from sleep, I looked up to the left to see a faint dark shadowy force coming toward me from a non-physical dimension. With the emotions of an observer, I calmly experienced it penetrate my pure bubble, bringing feelings of disdain for God. As it entered me, it became like a drop of black dye falling into a gallon of pure water and as it blended with my energy, I could no longer distinguish it from myself. I felt like my old self again before God showed up, a normal human being without that deep flowing connection to God. I cried and then I cried some more, it was like experiencing the death of someone I love.

In retrospect, this same energy has been present at the end of each of these experiences since I was eleven, causing me to loose that pure and direct contact with God. As the love and communication would fade, I would be left with, well, normalcy. In comparison to being filled, my normal human experience was empty and the process of loosing it always made me very sad.


2011: On January 1, 2011, I began seeking again while living in Taos, New Mexico with my son, daughter and grandson, all on a spiritual journey through the Rockies. My life at this point has become wonderful. However, I wanted to see God again, only this time there was no sadness, pain, drama or heartache motivating me, just the desire. It took almost five weeks, every day sitting on a 1,000 foot cliff overlooking the Rio Grande Gorge, even in 15 degree weather. It was so awesome, I loved it. It was difficult to not to be satisfied with how great I already felt, so I kept pushing myself toward a deeper and deeper desire to see God again. In the fifth week, it became consuming to where I had tears of longing for him and I became greatly distraught that the dimension of God was not opening like before. It usually only takes two weeks, but this time was different.

Finally, one day with tears I asked out load “Where are you?”. At that moment, everything went silent and my heart skipped a beat when I heard the words “I am here”. I was filled with that presence again and was aware of the energy of God permeating all things physical, every single molecule and now I was connected to it all. It began right in front of me with the rocks of the Gorge, strings of energy in the shape of large Fibonacci curves were interwoven within the rocks of the cliffs and through the river below. There were points on each energy curve, spaced symmetrically apart from each other and I'm not sure but each point may have been the beginning of another Fibonacci spiral. However, all the lines were connected to each other, nothing was separate from the whole. When I turned my head the energy lines remained where they were, they did not move when my line of sight changed.

Everything took on a translucent or holographic nature as my view was widened to encompass the town of Taos (12 miles away). I could actually see the whole town and the downtown area with all the people going about, living their lives. The idea crossed my mind that with one divine thought, the minds of all the people in Taos could be opened to see what was being shown to me and how that would transform mankind. I don't think this was my own thought but rather a depiction of the power of creation because everything that existed was already just a thought (just not mine). Then my view widened to include the entire planet. I don't know how to explain it but I could see the other side of the earth at the same time and view it the same way I was seeing Taos. The energy curves penetrated the entire planet and seemed to be the life force that sustained it's structure within the physical realm. At the physical level, all the earth seemed solid but at this level the earth was truly like a holographic image.

This was the first time I had ever asked any questions, but they were immediately answered as I thought them. Then I asked very clearly, “what stops me from experiencing this all the time?”. In a very inadequate manner, I will try to explain what came next because knowledge was imparted through an experience rather than words. My mind was opened and I saw how God has been transforming me into my “true being” by removing everything that does not originate from the spirit. The following three were pointed out as strong energy systems existing in me that were about to be purged;

  1. The first: how enamored I am with the manipulation of the physical realm;

  2. The second: my deep desire to be in a loving relationship with a woman;

  3. The third: my deep desire for financial independence and/or wealth.


The following is a brief description of how the three were purged:


The First: how enamored I would be with the manipulation of the physical realm. This was immediately addressed at the Gorge... The day was overcast with thick clouds covering the entire sky. I sat in peace with my eyes closed when I heard the voice, “let there be light” and within sixty seconds the sun began to warm my face. I opened my eyes and looked up, a hole had appeared in the clouds to let the sun through just above me. I remember vaguely thinking what a coincidence this was and closed my eyes again and heard “let there be darkness”. One minute later, the sun left my face and as I opened my eyes again, the hole was almost closed, it didn't just move, it closed. I shut my eyes and again and “let there be light” rang out again in a stronger tone. In a minute, the sun reappeared and I watched the hole widen until the opening pushed back the clouds to form a ring around the edge of the Taos valley. My mind was being directed to think a certain way, as if this was all matter of fact, like drawing something in the sand with my finger, therefore, no grandeur or sensationalism was experienced. Then, a thought with feelings was placed in my head, “How awesome, I can manipulate the physical realm”. Then I heard, “Of the human mind, not mine”. I calmly moved on and gave the experience no more attention.


The second: my deep desire to be in a loving relationship with a woman. At the very end of the experience, I stood up and heard “It is time”. Time for what? I only knew it was time to leave Taos. Then I saw the vision of a straight line being drawn from myself, going right through the holographic earth westward all the way to stop just east of Los Angeles proper (which ended up being Pasadena, CA). The next day when I returned to my spot at the Gorge, I stepped down onto my meditation rock, and was startled by a 2-3 foot rattlesnake sitting on my rock and shaking it's rattle. After I jumped, I laughed at the humor of God making sure I knew it was over in Taos. Again I heard the words “It is time” and Los Angeles again passed before me. That was my last time at the Gorge. In two months, my son and I were in Pasadena, CA, not knowing why or what we should be doing.

At the time I had joined an online dating site and Chris and I were having conversations about how to meet a woman, not through human effort but rather through the spirit. Something came over me and I said “Watch, with all my spirit I am going to intend for a woman to appear”. We finished our talk, I went back to my computer to find an email from Lilly saying that it was unfortunate that I was not interested in her after viewing her profile a week ago. She eventually said she had been waiting for me to contact her but after a week went by she thought I was not interested. I showed Chris and he said that she looked like the woman I painted many years ago. I was stunned.

 Here's the backstory: The very first memory in my life was of being 6 years old looking at the picture of a woman with dark hair and eyes on the back of an album cover and being consumed by the great pain of the loss of love. I would sit for hours looking at the photo and lose all track of time. Turns out that all through my childhood into teenage years I would draw her face over and over, hundreds of times, but I could only draw it with charcoal. Whenever I tried using pencil, pen or paint it always turned out bad. I'm not an artist but because I could draw her face so well with charcoal, my mom who was an artist, thought I was one also and always tried to get me to draw other things, which always ended up in the trash.

After my experience in 1994, I was hit with a number of visions about a past life that unfolded over the course of a year. It started one day in the middle of cooking dinner when I was struck by a gut wrenching pain in my stomach that caused me to fall on the ground. A dimension opened up and I saw the face of a woman I loved looking through a window in a burning house. These visions throughout the year built upon each other until the final one happened when I was asked to join a group of 8-10 people observing while a man was to be hypnotized. Long story short, during the session my consciousness seemed to move up and back to the left while another state of being filled my consciousness and took over. I stood up and with my eyes fully closed saw everyone in the room, but not their bodies, it was like the energy of their body, their real essence. Then a vision of the whole earth appeared before me and from the love of God's heart with tears, my mouth spoke “I will see my children suffer no longer”. I don't really want to speak of what came after that.

Then I began to walk around the room going from person to person, navigating all the obstacles as my eyes remained closed. I remember being able to see everything in it's energetic form instead of physically. Speaking to each person about various things regarding their current lives (afterward I was surprised at the accuracy). When I came to the last man, the one who was suppose to be hypnotized, I touched his knee and immediately was filled with the image of him laying in my arms wearing a civil war suit and bleeding, having been shot. We were ducking behind a fallen tree, using it as cover and as he was dying he asked me to take care of Claire, his wife and love of his life. Then he died in my arms. We were all the best of friends and so I saw myself taking care of her which turned into the most wonderful love that a man and woman can know. We got married and lived for years in a two story house. Then I saw myself coming home down the dirt road to our house when flames began to burst out and saw Claire standing in the window with her hands on the glass as the flames engulfed her. My emotional experience of this was as if it was really happening in the moment. The vision ended and I cried great tears only to look up and the man was also crying. Once we settled, he said that he experienced a huge sadness being pulled from him and then said he no longer wanted to have the Civil War reenactment setup that took up his whole basement and that him and his grandmother who he lived together were surrounded by Civil War memorabilia. He had been obsessed with a particular battle from the Civil War but had no idea why. I then began to tell him of my vision and we both felt at peace, finally after a lifetime of hidden sorrow. He told the therapist that he could now go home and clean out the basement, which I guess was the very reason for the hypnosis session.

That was in 1995 and in 1997 I was overwhelmed with the vision of a beautiful woman with yellow hair and spontaneously painted her. There were feelings of her being the reincarnation of Claire but how on earth could I know.

Back in Pasedena, CA in 2011, Lilly had moved there a month or two before me and had joined the same online dating website. When I recognized her, I knew it was the embodiment of Claire and I was so happy to see that she was all right and not living in torment or sorrow. She had already know a great love from a man in this life but who had died in her arms from a motorcycle accident. His last words to her was for her to find love again. So when we met over the phone, there was so much residual love between us that in 3 days of just talking over the phone she came out and said she loved me and I replied that I had always loved her. The very next day, the energy began to shift and I was experiencing it in my daily meditations but did not know what the shift was. I began to feel as if I was loosing her all over again but could not make any sense of it. She invited me to dinner on a Saturday night but a couple days before all contact from her ceased. No return calls or texts and then dinner came and went. Our communication went from daily to zero in a moment. I wanted to tell her the story of Claire so bad but was very reluctant, not knowing what she would think as she was raised a Southern Baptist, so I wanted to wait until I met her face to face first.

However, as my humanity was reacting to feeling like she was pulling away, my spirit was beginning to understand that we were not meant to be together in this lifetime as man and woman and that God had arranged for us to meet in order for it all to come full circle and for the energy between us to become neutral, no longer driving either of us. So after not hearing from her for a week, I sent her an email that said that I did love her but because our last phone conversation where she said she was confused I thought she was no longer interested in me, or avoiding me or something, so for my own well being I was going to have to let her go. Immediately I received an email from her telling me she was in the hospital and told me to never contact her again. I felt so stupid but also knew that we were never going to be together and this saddened me. I hated that she never knew the full story and that I had ended up having a hurtful effect on her, how that all came about in that manner is still a mystery to me. It's like I was just a pawn being moved around for purposes other than my own wishes. After a few weeks passed, the realization came to me that I was no longer walking around this earth looking into the eyes of women to see if I recognized that yellow haired woman I had painted. It has been such a freedom.


The third: My deep desire for financial independence and/or wealth. After it was over with Lilly, it seemed there was no longer any reason to be in Pasadena and I had a very profound experience meditating that showed me a map of Ojai, CA, so off we went. There, I developed a website for a business idea and was preparing to launch in the Beverly Hills, CA area but as soon as I finished developing the website, the desire for financial independence or great wealth was no more. In one day, all the energy for the project was removed. This was the second time this had happened on this project. Chris and I looked out over the horizon towards the setting sun and both said it's time to leave Ojai.


2013: March 18th – Blizzard and God giving me a choice to go to Tulsa.


2013: April 17th – Chris and I left Idaho for Tulsa.



And so, I have made public some of the events of my life in order that you may understand one thing; God showed up when my intense desire to see him reached such a critical mass that it became an overwhelming passion, to the point of tears. But make no mistake, the first week is always battling an equal and opposite force opposing me. When I get past that hump, the desire to see God becomes all consuming and then it is simply a matter of sustaining it until he appears. I suppose for me the words are true, at least for me, “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart”.


Chapter Two


The Visitation of 1994”

On the night of October 13th, 1994, Martha and I were sitting on her couch discussing helping others grow spiritually. “I want to know more than anything in the whole world how to reach deep inside the soul and cause a transformation that effects someone’s life on a permanent level” I said to Martha with an air of sadness and desire.

Her eyes were filled with compassion for me as she felt my longing and frustration. She looked at me and I became filled with hope as a surge of certainty pulsed through me.

One day, I will know!” passed through my lips, followed by a silence that filled me completely.

I knew that one day I would learn the secret that surpasses the intellect and goes right to the soul. We looked at each other comfortably, nothing more to be said.

Then it began.

Starting at my solar plexus a wave of feeling surged through my whole body like a flood gate opening. It felt similar to that of a rush of adrenaline that hits you when you hear some news that could alter your life. It completely consumed my physical senses and took my breath away.

In the same way my body was filled, my mind was filled also. One resounding thought permeated my soul. I did not possess the power to affect a change at such a spiritual level, therefore, it was not my job.

I” being defined as my intellect and rational thoughts.

I” always thought if “I” could say the right things, do the right things, touch the right spots in others and myself, then a deep change would occur.

Even after my experiences, something inside me wanted to be in control and therefore I could think to myself that I had done it. This concept quickly left my belief system and within those few seconds, I was fired from my self appointed position and all the responsibilities relating to it were back in rightful hands. What a relief to finally give up on a task that I could not achieve.

This was the big “I GOT IT!” as Martha says.

Then a tremendous peace came over me, I was so calm and serene, like being on a lake after a storm which leaves everything purified by the rain. All was in its place, with a great design and order which makes the physical and spiritual come together in unity.

That’s it!” I said to my dear friend, but she didn’t have a clue of what just happened.

What’s it”, she said in reply with her loving tone of “what you just said makes absolutely no sense to me at all”, she said with a tone of laughter.

I began to tell her of the revelation which was showered upon me and described how I was impacted.

I just got the answer to my question”, I said joyfully and filled with energy.

I was so happy and felt that a tremendous burden had been lifted from my shoulders. We began to apply our logic to this revelation and did some “What if” situations for the next twenty minutes or so. It fit logically and both of us began to be satisfied that we had figured out one of the mysteries of life.

We enjoyed this process, but I felt I had been put in another place, not physically, but my state of consciousness. I knew from a deep level, not just an intellectual one, but a level of having experienced it.

I was amazed at the strength of the wave as I pondered how this might change my life. Would it open a door to deeper understanding? I was sure of it and what a joy to have a good friend to be able to share it with.

Those that deeply search really do find, passed through my mind along with thinking of going home to experience a very peaceful sleep. What a wonderful way to end an evening, I thought as this new awareness had entered my life.

I had no thoughts of receiving any more insights that night and certainly no idea of what was to happen next.


In a very peaceful silence we were suspended in time as feelings filled up my body. I looked down at the coffee table like one would do in deep thought, staring right through it as if it didn’t exist.

A vague tunnel which was hazy around the edges began to open up before my eyes and penetrate the coffee table, occupying the same visual space.

At the time I didn’t recognize it as a tunnel because the visual events seemed insignificant compared to the revelation I had just received. Plus, everything was taking place so quickly and unexpectedly.

Through this tunnel came another wave, stronger than the first. My soul was overwhelmed with a substance, as best I could describe, a spiritual energy that reached down to the center of my soul.

It happened so quickly that all I could do is experience it. I could not control it, nor did I have an inclination to. In a matter of an instant, every fiber of my being was filled to overflowing.

Unable to contain this energy inside me, I sprang to my feet next to the couch, looking into some type of space through this tunnel. I was overflowing with elation, while a vague image flooded my mind and soul. With the eyes of my soul I could see the existence of a spirit deep below my consciousness. This spirit was alive and had a deep longing to be fully merged with my physical being and awareness. The spirit never rested but was continually ready to act upon any opening of my consciousness to achieve growth. When I was open and ready to resolve internal issues within myself, it would penetrate through my shell and attract others or situations into my life to assist me in the process.

This knowledge was a phenomenal awakening, even though the visual image was not that distinct, the presence and existence of it was very clear. My heart began to beat rapidly as this deep understanding overpowered my current perspective. A whole new dimension was added to my existence and I knew I would never be the same. Life had changed for me on a very fundamental level and I was ecstatic because of it. It’s one thing to believe this as a concept in the intellect, not being able to actually feel the power of its existence, and another thing to have its existence permeating every fiber of my being.

This was my true self as I had been created, formed in the likeness of God as my eternal soul, desiring to be free of the constraints I placed upon it.

This changes everything!” flew out of my mouth in awe.

Within those long seconds, my perception of life had completely been altered. I was no longer the man I thought myself to be, but was so much more. I was “spirit” within a physical body. This concept was no longer just in my mind, but now lodged in the eyes of my soul.

What changes everything?” Martha replied with an air of wonder and desire to understand where I was.

I looked at her and realized I was doing two things at once, experiencing these waves and talking to her. I was in two places at the same time.

This changes existence itself!” I replied in an attempt to communicate what was happening.

As I looked at her, I saw her very clearly with my eyes and spoke with her in a normal way. Everything in the physical realm was as it always has been for me. There was added to my existence another sense of perception, a realm which existed independently of the physical but occupying the same space. The physical realm appeared to be dependent on the spiritual dimension. It was its foundation, and within it, the physical had its existence. I now felt as if I have had it backwards, the physical being the more important.

While I looked at Martha, I also continued to see through this tunnel, and now, as the tunnel began to slowly widen, the visual aspects of it became increasingly clear. Three dimensional images of our spirit housed within our bodies came into a sharper focus. My existence had changed into a wonderful being and I knew my life would never be the same.

My knees became weak as I stood in awe of the power and beauty of the spiritual realm. I thought of God and wondered if this was how He saw us, for nothing was hidden in this new perception.

I sat back down on the couch and began to explain to her in more detail as she curiously listened and asked questions. As we spoke, my desire to explain the images increased because she was so accepting of the whole event. For some reason, it was very normal that this should be happening. As I looked around the room, the tunnel of vision followed my direct line of sight and was continuing to grow in size and clarity.

Suddenly, my thoughts were interrupted as another wave engulfed me like a strong wind within my spirit. My physical senses faded into the background and my focus was redirected to an image of a spirit manifesting the situation of drawing another person into its life to assist growth. This spirit was connected to another person's spirit within this realm and it was as though they arranged a mutual meeting to satisfy each others needs. On the physical level, the people were unaware of the spirit’s work and they thought it to simply be a coincidental meeting.

Then I saw design behind significant relationships in my life, and how they assisted my growth. In fact, they were critical to my growth. They did not always seem positive to me intellectually, but spiritually they flushed out into the open the items in my life which needed to be resolved. I did not always see them or resolve them, so they would recede back into the darkness until I was ready to deal with them again.

Because these items were not purged from my heart, patterns were formed within my relationships. I was attracted to the same type of women which produced similar situations for the purpose of growth without my realizing it. Those old patterns have changed now, after having resolved certain issues. Purging them from my life now is of great importance in order to continually deepen my conscious connection with my core, which is connected to God.

Completely absorbed in the moment, I basked in the wonderfulness of the experience. How could life get any better. A love that surpassed definition was at the base of this imparting knowledge. This love was an actual substance or energy that had life and filled every corner of my being.

If I were to die now, I would have lived to experience the most wonderful thing that could happen in life. I was ready to fearlessly shed my body in order to be with this presence forever. I had come into the fullness of life which was eternal and unseen by us. That which is seen by my eyes was now temporary, for I had felt the power of eternity.

When a container is full it cannot hold anymore, and mine felt like it was filled to the top. Little did I know that the flood gates were about to open and what had happened so far was just a drop in my bucket.




Chapter Three


The love they radiated was the most incredible sight.”


A deep peace filled the room as Martha and I were talking about the last wave.

We truly are spiritual beings underneath all this and the spirit draws others to us when we are open and ready to grow.” I said.

If that’s the case, then do you think that’s how we met?” she thought out loud.

Two days before we met I prayed from my heart to meet a woman I could love and have an open, sharing relationship with. Then the night we met, I sat in the parking lot of Coconuts (a restaurant in Ft. Lauderdale) and meditated for a half hour on meeting a woman. I met your girlfriend at the bar and as we talked, she called you and invited you to come join us. Then she left shortly after you showed up and we spent the entire night sitting on the beach talking until sunrise.”

I remember that night but I didn't know you did all the other stuff”.

I sure did. Being able to openly share my heart with you has helped me to surface and resolve feelings I’ve had from my marriage” I said as I thought of how freeing it felt to have worked through those issues.

My divorce had left me with an empty pit for a period of time, but I was determined not to cover up the feelings, but rather allow them to flow through my life. As they surfaced into my consciousness, the pain was so great for two days that all I could do is say “It hurts, it just hurts” until a great peace came over me as I felt the pain leave my heart for good. Much of my life consisted of avoiding pain rather than embracing it as a teacher. Now, acknowledging pain relating to unresolved issues became a part of my life. Our appreciation for one another deepened as we realized our purpose to encourage growth in each others lives. As I reflected on the numerous encounters with people, it seemed apparent that there was an underlying design and guidance through my entire life.

My mind went blank then was swiftly filled by another wave. The tunnel in front of me opened up completely as if I had passed through it to the other side. Without turning my head I could visually see all around me, front, sides and back all at the same time. My awareness of the surroundings within this realm was connected to my feelings in some way which allowed me to not only see, but experience this dimension.

The air had a substance, not thick, but very light and alive. I was aware of every atom, pulsating with energy, as they linked together through an eternal space.

All of a sudden, there appeared the figures of twelve spiritual beings to the east, suspended in mid air, completely stationary and looking straight at me.

There was not a hint of fear on my part because they posed no threat what so ever. On the contrary, they radiated a love and compassion that filled my soul. I was breathless, speechless and clear of my own thoughts as my heart welcomed them with awe.

Farthest to the left was a very distinct image of a being, resembling a man clothed in a robe, covering his head and draping down to his feet. He was very calm, relaxed and in full control, having a peaceful power about him which was filled with the consciousness of a purpose. I could not see his face, but I could feel his compassionate eyes looking right at my soul. He knew everything about me, the good, the bad and the ugly, yet loved me unconditionally. This was very comforting and even though I was awe struck, a very relaxed and peaceful state was upon me.

His arms were relaxed, draped down along his sides with his hands folded together in front of him and his robe extended down to cover his feet. His visual appearance was unimportant in light of the incredible qualities he was emanating. I saw him with the eyes of my soul and his true image to me is indescribable with words because the love they radiated was the most incredible sight.

Immediately to his left were three of the same shaped beings, only their images were more faded, as if in a slight shadow. They too were looking at me and I felt each one had a different imparting of knowledge for me, but held for the future. They stood shoulder to shoulder with no space in between and appeared to be as one, yet completely individual.

To their left stood eight more beings having the same body shape but they were not as visually clear to me as the first. As I looked at each one, their image faded until the last being looked like a charcoal sketch. Even though their figures were not clear, I could feel the presence of all of them looking at me, waiting to speak with great patience in due time.

As I looked at Martha, they were standing above her head. Never in my whole life did I believe that this could ever occur to anyone, much less myself. However, I welcomed their appearance with complete acceptance. They spoke no words that I could hear with my ears, but imparted very clear knowledge to my soul accompanied by three dimensional visual images that appeared to have life. The messages felt like enveloping waves which permeated every part of my being.

Their appearance had fulfilled me in every way. I was complete and filled with a love which surpassed anything I had ever known. They were truly my friends and I began to laugh with great joy as I felt their companionship. Their existence was all I needed in my life from now on. I was at peace.

There are twelve beings looking at me. They are the ones causing these revelations” I said.


Yeah, twelve of them, but the first one is really who is talking to me. He talks to me in my soul”.

Where are they?”

Right there, from the east” I replied, pointing above her head.

Are they angels?”

I don’t know. They don’t have any wings or anything. They are just there in mid air”.

I can see the first one clearly, but the rest of them fade out” I continued.

Oddly enough, for a professor, this felt very natural for her at the time. She was as relaxed with it as I was and accepted it’s happening as a comfortable event.

Wow!” she expounded.

This is wonderful, Martha. I am so filled up I can’t believe it”.

We sat in brief silence as their appearing filled the room with peace. I stared at them for a time and looked back at Martha, smiling while deeply aware of a new existence to my life.

Would you like some water?” she asked me out of the silence.

That would be great”.

Martha rose from the couch and began to walk to the kitchen for a glass of cool water. I rose to follow her and my head turned from looking to the east for the first time since they appeared.

Astonishment filled me when I noticed that my head was turned to the north and I could still see them in the east. I began to spin around with my eyes open and laughed out load like a child having a wonderful time. This caused her to stop walking and look at me in wonderment.

Martha! No matter where I turn they are always in the east, they don’t move. I can still see them as I spin around and I don’t loose sight of them” I exclaimed to Martha while smiling from ear to ear.

Who is it that is talking to you” she turned and asked me.

I hadn’t thought to ask, so I turned to look straight at him and a wave immediately passed through me.

He is knowledge” I said as I turned back to her. “I think I’ll call him Knowles.”

Martha continued on to the kitchen to pour us a glass of water as I continued to spin and have fun in the living room.

Here, have some water” she said and handed me a glass.

It was so clear and refreshing tasting, like water had never tasted before. I felt it go into my body to be absorbed by every cell. We returned to the couch and began having a very light and jovial conversation about my spinning around.

I was being taught in a way that I didn’t know existed. It was the complete transference of knowledge to my soul. I laughed out load as Martha smiled at me.

They are here as friends to teach me.” I said.

What are they teaching you?” she asked.

The existence of the spiritual realm. It has changed everything.”

Are you OK with it?”

Oh yeah! This is great. They are wonderful.”

So this isn’t uncomfortable for you?”

Not at all. You should see the love coming from them.”

I wish I could. Maybe they’ll come to me some day.”

Her last statement passed right over my head because I was so engrossed with them. The flow continued from them to my soul, as I was slowly being elevated in my feelings. I was becoming like them, although I had a long way to go. I felt like a tuning fork and they were adjusting my pitch. With every moment that passed I felt higher and higher, being raised, if you will, in their dimension.

I went back and forth between putting my full attention on them and on Martha, keeping both in sight. At the same time, the qualities they radiated were being imparted to my soul as I felt myself being transforming. And being with them, I desired nothing else.


Chapter Four


Then the dimension will open

and we will see with the eyes of our soul.”


Energy swiftly filled me. Another wave was upon me. An image of a human being filled my sight, but not like an image I’ve ever seen before. There was a translucent detailed outline of a human body suspended within an oval array of light. This body had a buoyancy as it dwelt within the light. The person was wonderfully designed with a human shaped body that appeared to be made out of its own light and very soft looking. The body was not the core or the center of this person, but existed as part of the whole.

The light originated from the center of the oval, right around the solar plexus area of the body. The colors were brilliant as they twinkled and shifted like millions of moving fibers extending out from the center to form the shape of an oval. The predominate light was white with inter-twined yellows, blues, reds and every color of the rainbow. It was not just light, but life, translucent and very pleasing to the eye. The light fibers had a starting point and did not radiate beyond a certain distance. The person did not appear as if in a picture, but was a real live entity, fluid and weightless.

But this visual description paled in comparison to what was emanating in a form that I could feel. This person was exactly whom he or she appeared to be, no mask, nothing hidden, but completely exposed and radiant. Love from God filled him in every way and poured out like a star shines its light in the heavens. His existence had the primary purpose of expressing love, not in the way I am use to, but love which is communicated to the soul.

He loved me as he looked at me and allowed me to see him. I saw no hint of selfishness or self centered concern, but only an ever flowing concern for others. All his needs for existence were met, and he wanted nothing for himself, except to continue to radiate love.

The joy within this person was incredible, and had it not been conveyed to my soul, I would never have begun to grasp its depth. My best day on earth did not even touch the hem of his garment. This joy was permanent as it continually flowed into him and then out, like a spring, ever flowing for eternity, never stagnating.

Peace, which transcended my understanding, glowed from him like the warmth of the sun. No fear or stress, no bad days, no hurried agenda, everything in his existence was by design, past, present and future. His primary focus was “being” love, allowing tasks to emerge.

I was shown how we struggle to attain to these qualities in this world as we find it difficult to grasp in our souls. We look at ourselves and others critically, not having a clue as to the existence of our real selves. The problems in our lives originate from our lack of connection with this spirit within us. Our focus is intensely on how we act rather than who we are, therefore, we can never become our true selves. The actions are to be the result, not the focus, and they should spring from love. Our cart is before the horse. When our eyes truly turn onto the wonderful dimension of God and who He is, then the dimension will open and we will see with the eyes of our soul.

His desire to see me understand this insight flowed from his smile as a friend. Then he left as swiftly as he appeared. I became aware of my surroundings again in Martha's living room as the intensity of the wave subsided.

I saw the human spirit” I slowly said to Martha as I savored this precious gift from Knowles. I began to refer to him as “my friend Knowles” and delighted in his continual giving to me.

What did it look like”, asked my friend, which began a fifteen minute conversation about the human spirit.

I began to detect my head wanting to intellectually take control in an attempt to grasp this concept. Analyzing began to feel uncomfortable, it was obviously a time to listen with an open heart, and mine was wide open. I’ve spent enough time in my life mucking up the waters with my intellectual conclusions, and now this was coming at me with extreme clarity and I welcomed it.

Knowles and his friends remained in plain view and as time went on, they were becoming a normal part of my life.

I imagined myself working or participating in meetings with clients and seeing them in the background. Would they direct me on a daily basis, give me answers to problems? Will they be giving me words that could help others with their growth? But the best of all, I thought, their existence would help me to maintain a continual focus in the spiritual realm.

But that’s all in the future, and right now I’m in seventh heaven.


Chapter Five


Within an instant, I was transformed into the

spiritual being and the burdens of life were lifted.”


The energy flowing through me is indescribable, it has a life of its own, not simply a feeling, but like the substance that life is formed out of”, I spoke to Martha with great elation.

I felt light as a feather and completely energized. This is a state that once it is experienced, one never wants to live a normal existence again.

Just as soon as we had finished discussing the human spirit, Knowles worked his wonderful magic. The wave of knowledge began to surge through my body once again, only this time it felt slightly different than the others.

Within an instant, I was transformed into the spiritual being shown to me and the burdens of life were lifted. All the mortal and physical aspects of my life no longer existed, only the purity of life and love. I felt extremely light and buoyant, moving about effortlessly and suspended in a space that connected me to the rest of the universe rather than bound to the earth by gravity.

I was being fed by a continual energy and it flowed through me as quickly as it entered, never missing a beat. All the physical things of life took on a completely different meaning, all becoming trivial in comparison to the spiritual life.

I was allowed to experience the freedom from concerns of this world. I had no more worries or stress caused from my mortal life form. The struggle of making money in order to support myself and my family became such an insignificant part of existence because the real support of life now came from within, not from the outside.

Life on earth was now an experience to be tasted and enjoyed for a brief time, but the desire to be absorbed in it was gone. It was like having a piece of fine chocolate that disappeared within a few bites, delicious while it existed, but eating too much makes you heavy and fat.

There was no end to existence, no past or future, just an eternal “Now”. Time, as I’ve known it did not fit into this world.

Then I was taken on a journey through my mortal life and all the things that create stress for me. I saw my business life and the heaviness in comparison to how I was currently feeling. It felt thick and burdensome as I tried to control all the details associated to running a business. All this was within a split second but was communicated to me with such completeness.

I saw my car break down, myself stuck in traffic, not having enough money to pay a bill, and a multitude of worries regarding decisions I’ve made over the years. All these were experienced with a heaviness attached to them along with this new state of being.

Faith that was beyond intellectual belief or “hope this will work out”, accompanied me as I saw the situations all work out for the good, with no reason for undue stress. I knew that each situation was a teacher in this mortal realm and designed for my growth. I performed these tasks with all my heart, not for success, but because that was how a spiritual being existed, with all his heart. You see, there was nothing weighing me down. No matter the task, I experienced performing it with the utmost amount of energy. I experienced the lessons and growth from the hard times as those difficulties became my spiritual surgeon, exposing weaknesses in order to be healed. With this new attitude, I became like gold, with pain and suffering the fire that refined me.

I welcomed the refining process and experienced great joy in the spiritual growth that was achieved in such a short amount of time with such an attitude. I realized how dense I have been in learning from my life’s struggles compared to this depth of growth I was now experiencing. There was not even a hint of negativity towards struggles, no complaining, no wishing that it was different.

I have basically considered myself to be a positive oriented person, but now I know what a positive attitude really feels like and how it acts. I was shown that to have a negative attitude, is the result of not being integrated with the spirit within. To Knowles, feelings of sadness, pain of loss and other similar emotions were not negative. Rather emotions such as anger, frustration, impatience (especially with others) were very damaging to our growth and any love we may possess. He showed me that they quench the spirit within, and then I saw myself and felt the damage in my own life resulting from not being connected with my spirit.

Oh, how sweet the feeling of freedom from burdens. I felt that it had been given to me and I would live the rest of my life in such a manner. This gift would make life so full of peace and joy.

But then I thought of death? Would it not come one day and with it bring pain and sorrow?

Chapter Six




My soul was elevated to a point way beyond expression. The intellectual ability to comprehend the experiences began to lessen and my evaluation process could no longer function in the capacity with which it was accustomed, so it graciously bowed out. The understanding was now coming completely from my soul.

I can’t explain what I am feeling, words don’t begin touch what I am seeing.” I said to Martha.

What do you mean?” she replied.

I don’t know any words that even begin to describe it any more. I am still comprehending the physical realm, but I can no longer define the other.”

Well, don’t worry about me, just go ahead.”

Right then, I felt a surge of elevation as my spirit soared to a new height of vibration (for lack of better words) with this wave. I was no longer aware of Martha’s presence or of being in her living room where my body sat. Of course, I didn’t care either because I was completely at peace, it was a wonderful place to be, so alive and filled with energy.

I found myself standing on the edge of a chasm or threshold and felt a pulling from the other side, wanting me to pass through it. I still felt connected to my physical body, but only by a thread and I could feel the desire to have it cut.

Then I was pulled from beyond the chasm. As I passed through the threshold, I experienced the transformation from being a spirit bound to the earth (the physical dimension) into an eternal spirit connected to God and the entire universe. In an instant I was completely set free from death and all the fears associated to it. I experienced the spiritual transformation of what we call death to becoming an eternal spirit, until I radiated light like a star, with every fiber of my being pulsating with light and love. This was breathtaking and overwhelming and yet felt so natural. I had gone home. This is the connection I have always dreamed of. This level of spirituality was so sweet and so completely freeing.

I was being led by Knowles (I think) as we passed others, just like me, radiating love and light as they existed in eternal peace. Each one was unique, having their own identity without being separate from the others, we were all one, knit together in the same fabric of light.

I experienced them as we passed each other, rather than simply seeing them with my vision. The visual sense was the least important of the senses available to me. There were other senses that I was totally unfamiliar with and cannot even begin to explain what they were like, except for the ability to completely experience another spirit deep in my soul.

I loved all of them fully as we existed in eternal love, desiring or needing absolutely nothing, for we were all filled with everything. We possessed the full qualities of the male and female aspects, which made us neither one or the other, but both. Here, the male and female were joined together within everyone in order to make us whole. Nobody was exclusively bound to another (as in having a mate) but we were bound to one another in love.

Pain, suffering and loneliness did not exist, in fact, it was not even thought of. As a spirit, everything sorrowful had left my existence and was replaced with radiant peace. Selfishness was impossible to conceive of because the great love of God left no room for any quality that did not originate from love.

I became unaware of the fact that my physical body still lived in the company of a good friend who was watching me, wondering where I was and what was occurring inside of me. When I returned to the couch, I saw Martha looking straight at me, waiting for the wave to end.

I died.” I said to her with a smile.

I could see it in her eyes, she was saying “No you didn’t. I’ve been watching you the whole time and you’ve been here with me, breathing with your eyes wide open.

It was wonderful. I didn’t want to come back.” I added.

She waited for further conversation, but I could not even begin to speak of it. My spirit was so elevated that I could feel a distinct gap between it and my physical consciousness. It’s like the two were beginning to separate because my mind simply was incapable of comprehending what my spirit was doing. We sat in silence while I looked at her, smiling until the next wave came, which came quickly.

This time I was taken somewhere and experienced something so far above the physical plain that upon returning, I could see the vision slip away from my ability to even remember it in my conscious state. I knew I had been somewhere wonderfully great, but could not grasp it in order to remember. I struggled internally to remember, like waking from an intense dream, having the memory on the tip of my tongue, but never being able to recapture the images.

Once again there was silence between us as the ability to share the events became impossible for me, because now, I could not even share them with my own mind, much less someone else.

It happened again, this time even greater than before, and once again, upon returning, I struggled as I felt the images slip away.

At this point, I was elevated beyond all my possible descriptions, and even now as I write, I cannot recall what it was really like. It is but a faint shadow of a memory, known to me somewhere within my spirit, but not in my mind.

Things started settling down and I felt myself becoming acquainted with the physical dimension all over again. The words between us began to pick up, while I noticed Martha beginning to get tired, but I did not say anything, because sleep was the farthest thing from my desires at the moment.

Almost an hour passed without any major waves and I felt myself settling away from the indescribable state into a state of peaceful euphoria, but a state that I could grasp and convey, to some degree. I was able to talk a bit more about some of the basic concepts that were left with me regarding death.

Death is not the end, but more like the beginning, the transition from an extremely limited awareness to complete awareness.” I said.

Did you feel any pain?” she asked.

Not in the least, but of course nothing physically painful was happening. But once the connection to my body was released, then everything associated to it was also let go.”

You didn’t see my mother, did you?” she asked half joking.

No, but I know one thing, that the pain she felt in the end was released from her when she crossed over.”

Do you think she is still alive in her spirit?”

Absolutely! The spirit doesn’t die, only this tent we live in. In fact, once I was over there, I didn’t want to come back. I can’t even begin to describe how wonderfully great it was.”

Comforted by the idea that her mom still lived and that her pain was no more, we hugged each other and I felt the wetness of her tears on my shoulder, tears of relief which flowed silently from her heart.

I wish you could feel like I do right now. This is what I’ve always wanted deep in my heart. I am filled in every way.” I said.

Silence stilled the room as our love and bond to each other grew stronger. Sitting together in peaceful emotions felt so rich. I sensed the waves were ending, the messages were conveyed.

It’s a good thing that I am unable to know the future, because if I could, I would have tried to avoid the next wave with every ounce of my strength.




Chapter Seven


When you understand all I have shown you, you will be who you truly are. This is your task, and when completed, each of the others, in their time will come to you. This is your preparation for what is to come.”


What time is it?” I said to Martha thinking it to be around 1 am.

It’s 4:15 and I’m getting pretty tired, do you have any idea how much longer this is going to last. You look like you are wide awake.” she replied leaning back against the couch with eyes half shut.

Wow, I had no idea it was that late, I hope it never ends. I have so much energy, the last thing on my mind is sleep, but I’ll bet you’re ready for it.”

Martha slowly pulled herself up from her comfortable position on the couch and went into the next room. In the mean time I sat back and gazed up at Knowles, feeling a tremendous sense of contentment.

This is what my life will be from now on” I thought to myself and realized how much I have been missing through the years.

Why couldn’t I have experienced this years ago, what’s different now?”

My mind wandered, seeing replays of various times throughout my life and some of the issues I’ve had within. I saw them one by one being worked out and purged from my existence.

I wished I had known what I was missing, then there would have perhaps been a deeper motivation to clear myself out, a higher end result other than simply being a good person and doing what I considered to be “Right”.

I realized that true love and peace has it’s origin in the spirit, not in my mind. The spirit is the wellspring of life, love, peace and all the attributes I’ve tried to attain through behavior modification, yet difficult to me. Now I understand why.

But now, it’s all changed. I have been transformed within a matter of hours to that which I have deeply desired for so long, and believed was attainable on this earth. My life felt the same from all the way deep into my soul to that which I would say or do as I lived out the balance of my years.

I had no concept of the wave that was yet to come, a tidal wave in proportion with a very definite purpose.

Then it hit.

The final wave of the evening was upon me, a wave that was very different in its effect on me. All night waves of elation came upon me, creating great joy and peace, but this one just about stopped my heart.

The first thing I felt was a great fear that ripped through the core of my being. Not fear of being harmed by someone, but fear that I had been caught in a lie which I had been telling all my life, not only to others, but to myself as well. It was not fear of condemnation but rather that I am the deceiver and the deceived all in one, and now, what will I do. The lie was all about who I am and who I wanted others to believe I was. A picture had been painted, a self portrait, and the artist’s signature was mine.

They showed me that my spirit is surrounded by something like a holographic fortress which shifted my consciousness from spirit to human. This mask (as I named it), and contains all my beliefs, thoughts, perceptions and incorporates the limited five senses. With the mask in place, I was no longer able to fully experience my own spirit, as I was shown by Knowles, which caused me to experience myself as a human being rather than a spirit being. This was the first lie I told myself and the lie which all others are formed. This mask is given to all mankind.

They showed me that as I've looked out from my human mind, through the years, my beliefs, self image and perceptions are constantly re-formed because they are based on the current condition of my mask. Everything I know is sifted through this mask, which includes my spiritual beliefs and the way I interpret all spiritual or religious texts. Since my humanity automatically believes the perceptions I've created, which are primarily based on being human rather than spirit, Knowles came to expose me to myself (please allow myself to introduce myself) from outside of my human consciousness, through my spirit. It was the only way for me to see past my own mask, I had to see from the spirit.

A great sorrow came over me like a waterfall that washed through the conscious definition of myself. All I’ve been shown in the last few hours rang through my soul, but I have kept myself from it due to my mask. Intellectually I have always believed myself to have a soul, spirit or whatever you want to call it, but only when God shows up am I able to truly experience it. The rest of my life I’ve been living in the realm of my mask or self portrait, without being aware of what I was doing.

I knew now that the lack of great love and peace meant a disconnection with my spirit and God. I had been given a standard of spirituality that far surpasses the one I’ve been use to. Others have told me in the past that I seem more caring and content than a lot of people they know, but like myself, they too haven’t seen.

I looked at Knowles, and he continued to emanate all the same loving qualities as when I first saw him. I still felt him to be a friend, one who has just told me something that would shake the fundamental perceptions of my life.

Then he passed a wave through me: “When you understand all I have shown you, you will be who you truly are. This is your task, and when completed, each of the others, in their time will come to you. This is your preparation for what is to come.”

Then they were no more, the dimension closed and I felt a great pain of loss at their leaving. Tears flooded my eyes and I gasped for air as the pit of my stomach curled up into a giant knot. I jumped up and ran outside crying out to the heavens for Knowles to return, but I knew they were gone. I felt like I had lost someone I loved, not being able to hold them again. Their joy remained with me right along side of this great sadness, two emotions intertwined within.

I turned around and saw Martha peek out the window, obviously wondering where I had gone. I was next the a dock with sailboats, looking into the sky as I wiped the tears from my eyes and I began to accept the fact that they closed my window to their world and left me with a task.

How in the world do I connect with my spirit in this way?” I briefly pondered as one would consider where to begin such an endeavor.

I said good-bye to Knowles and knew he was still there, I just could not see him any longer. I turned around and walked off the dock to go back inside and thought of telling Martha what just took place.

This was the only wave that occurred without her being present. She has seen my tears and shared my pain before which made it very comforting as I began to tell her the reason for my sorrow.

As I spoke to her, I felt minor waves come upon me, giving me more insight into how the mask is formed. I saw that my definition of myself wasn’t all together wrong, but very incomplete, leaving out the most important aspect of being a real live spiritual entity first and the physical being a temporary shell to exist in for a time.

The two must integrate if I am to become whole” I said as the concept passed through the depths of my being.

How are you going to do that?” Martha asked after I told her of the task before me.

I don’t really know, but I know it won’t happen overnight, it’s going to be a process. All I want right now is to be with Knowles again, I miss him so much that it hurts...

What time is it? I feel really tired all of a sudden”, I asked.

It’s almost 5 am” she stated with a yawn.

Do you mind if I fall asleep on your couch, I don’t feel like going anywhere?” I asked.

I wanted to sleep, not just because I felt tired, but because in sleep I don’t feel pain or sorrow. She got me a pillow and blanket while we both remained quiet. We hugged each other for a long time and I felt her love for me which was very comforting.

I guess Knowles knows me pretty well to have had you with me during this. Thank you for being a good friend”, I said.

I feel honored to have been here, I just wish we had thought to ask if I could see them also. Make me a promise. The next time they appear...”

It’s a promise.” I interrupted and hugged her again as we said good night.

I felt very peaceful with my head nestled in a soft pillow looking out the back doors into the sky. Thoughts were flowing through my mind about the whole evening and what I was going to do next.

What kind of task was I to do on this earth that was of divine origin; there’s no way I’ll be able to carry it out; I’m not spiritual enough. What is it? When will it be? Are the other eleven going to come to me?” raced through my awe struck mind.

Then my thoughts floated back to the visions and I smiled, remembering the beauty and greatness of what I was shown.

Joy surged through my body to be followed by the sorrow which in turn was overcome by the joy once again. I began to drift off to sleep, being left with the joy and the feeling of comfort I received from Martha.

Sometimes sleep is really sweet, and this is one of those times. Then there was nothing but peace.



Chapter Eight


Begin the Transformation”


I woke suddenly after a few hours of deep sleep, overflowing with the sense of a new life, excited and filled with joy as I opened the glass door onto the back patio to see the sun’s brightness illuminating the sailboats. It was a new day, one like I’ve never felt before, full of life, and the feeling of Knowles’ visit was still powerful within me. The grass and trees appeared especially green and the air felt crisp and clear with a coolness in it. The blue sky looked vast with only a few small clouds and I sensed the enormity of the earth’s globe.

Martha was still sleeping like a baby, as I peeked in on her. I smiled at my friend resting so soundly and felt the enjoyment of a close friendship. I went back to the couch and sat down on the spot where it all happened and began to remember.

Then my body flushed with an emotion of sadness as I remembered the last wave that shot through my soul last night, but the joy accompanied me through the sadness. The two were coexisting within me at the same time and the sadness felt like a teacher, penetrating my heart to effect a change. I stood up and started to take deep breaths to try to alleviate the effects the sadness was having on me.

What am I suppose to do, what kind of task to perform while here on the earth?” I thought, feeling inadequate about carrying out to fruition some kind of mission of divine origin.

Good morning, how did you sleep last night?” Martha said with a yawn as she came around the corner into the living room.

Great, even though it was short. How about you?”

I slept good. I feel a bit groggy this morning, but I’m all right. I’ll probably take a nap after I come back from the office. I have to go in for a few hours.” she said.

I paused and began to stare at her because I started feeling sensations in my abdomen area about her in a positive way.

What! What is it? Another wave?” she asked.

Martha looked different to me today, not physically, but I had an awareness of her spirit. I didn’t really know right away what I was sensing, then a wave shot through me and I realized I felt her spirit and could sense her being surrounded by an oval of energy or light. Then as I was looking at her, a faint light surrounded her for a second and then went away.

Wow!” I blurted out as chills ran up my spine.

It’s happening, isn’t it?”

No, but I just saw your spirit for a second... you have a nice one.”, I said and explained to her what I saw.

We went into the kitchen and made some vanilla nut coffee, then Martha started getting ready to go to work.

As I moved around the room, I was aware of a new dimension to life, like moving through spiritual air with an awareness of all my surroundings.

I’ve got to get going. You are welcome to stay here as long as you like if you want.” she said to me while gathering her things.

I had already decided to go down to the beach and simply soak up this new existence.

Thanks, but I’m going to go sit on the beach for a while. I’ll drop by later on this afternoon and we can go to dinner together.”

It was Friday and fortunately my schedule didn’t warrant visiting any of my clients today. I was free to simply enjoy the day. We walked to our cars, hugged each other and went different directions. I parked my car and walked out onto the beach and nestled myself in the sand, sitting straight up and smiling because I felt so good, so content and intrigued with this new sensation of awareness within me.

I gazed out over the calm ocean and noticed a man walking along the shore, passing in front of me. My heart was filled with love and compassion for him as I saw this man in a way I’ve never seen anyone.

There was a center to his body that looked like a twinkling star which radiated a few feet out from his body to form an outline of an oval. He looked suspended within this oval rather than bound to the ground by gravity. I gasped in awe and felt a deep compassion for him as if he was a brother and I sensed his life’s problems and struggles, causing him to have closed down in his relationships with people. I saw the creases of stress engraved on his face and felt the unhappiness of his existence in the pit of my stomach.

Deep within me, I saw his spirit, made in the Father’s image, wanting to break through the shell he had created, and my heart wept. I wanted to run up to him and somehow enable him to see as I’ve seen, but I did not know how to do it. There was not a critical thought in my mind about him, but only a desire to see him open up and connect with his wonderfully created spirit.

I sat for hours watching people go by, seeing each one’s spirit in the same form. I was utterly amazed at what I was seeing, but even more incredible was the great love I felt for each of them as I felt their lives pass before me with an awareness of their struggles. I knew their major life’s struggles as though I had spent hours openly talking to them heart to heart. There was a recurring theme that was at the core of their unhappiness. They didn’t know about their spirit within which made them seem lost in life, not knowing what their lives were really about.

I saw a woman jogging by the water who appeared to be in great physical shape as she passed in front of me and I noticed there was something different about her than the others. As I saw her spirit I noticed that her whole being was very clear and peaceful. There was nothing stuck in her, so to speak, and I was strongly drawn to meet her, but by the time I thought to actually get up and run after her, she was a considerable way down the beach. I had no feelings of wanting to meet her in order to go out with her, but was drawn to her spirit as I watched her until she was out of sight.

I stood up, and walked along the sidewalk where the shops and restaurants were, seeing people as spiritual beings as they passed by me. Feeling such a great love for others was so fulfilling, I wondered why I’ve never seen this before, but I guess now it really didn’t matter.

I felt minor waves of realizations passing through me all day long, feeling as if it was going to continue throughout the rest of my life. I realized how unaware of our existence as spiritual beings we can be and it began to sadden me because I did not feel I had the power to do anything about it. I could not simply reach out and open their minds and hearts. Then I remembered the last wave.

I felt overwhelmed with sadness now, not just for myself but also for others. Tears were trying to flow from my eyes, but I wept within.

I went home, jumped in the shower and cried. As the hot water was streaming over me I felt as if I were under a waterfall and a wave came upon me, reminding me of the wonderfulness of God and creation. I laughed with joy as I felt flooded with a peace which permeated my soul. After drying myself off, I unplugged the phone and crawled into bed to rest. I felt drained and full of energy at the same time, and as I drifted off, I looked forward to being with Martha again and eating sushi.

Over the next few days, the waves of realizations became less and less as they weakened in their strength. It was an emotional roller coaster for me, going back and forth from elation to sadness, but the sadness was growing and with it came the feelings of fear of inadequacy towards this impending task that may present itself at any time.

When would they return and what would they bring with them next time? I wanted Knowles to return so badly but I was afraid at the same time. The power of their realm was so far above my understanding and I found myself beginning to avoid what was before me to do.

Two weeks had passed and I could no longer handle the sorrow from people's pain, so I asked that it be removed from me. The next day I no longer saw people’s spirits and also felt the joy slipping away through my fingertips. It was all consuming in my mind and every time I saw Martha it was the only thing I could talk about. I wanted to talk to someone who had some type of similar experience, but knew of no one.

I’ve never had any contact with this type of event, except for one person just two weeks before, an author named Dannion Brinkley. He wrote a book “Saved by the Light” about being clinically dead for 28 minutes after being struck by lightning and coming back alive while in a body bag.

Martha’s mother had passed away due to cancer only a year or two before this event. She was very unsettled about this and invited me to go with her to hear Dannion speak, which was two weeks prior to Knowles visit. I went with her to help provide comfort for her, but did not really believe this guy was for real.

During the talk, my spirit inside was really stirred in a powerful way. He had a question and answer period at the end of his talk and people were asking about all kinds of things.

I began to get very nervous and found myself sitting on the edge of my seat, about to burst open with one resounding question. I didn’t really want to raise my hand but at one point he was looking for more questions and there was a long pause. I sprang to my feet and was overflowing with emotion, wanting the answer to only one question that burned within.

How do you reach inside and change someone from the root?” I asked.

There was silence in the room as I could see the eyes of the audience turn to look at me. I thought that the question was out of context to the topic, but I couldn’t help but ask.

You can’t. All you can do is to extend love to others in the hopes that they will grow. That’s why it’s important to feel love for everyone you meet.” Love can open the door for them.” Dannion replied.

I sat down and he went on to the next question, but in my mind, that was not the answer I was looking for and I felt somewhat disappointed. But I was still stirred inside.

Two weeks later, I received the same answer from Knowles, but this time I listened and understood the answer.


I remembered Knowles’ words “This is your task, and when completed, each of the others, in their time will come to you. This is your preparation for what is to come.”


And then I smiled.